New Options...and More Uncertainty!

Just when I thought that I had God figured and knew exactly what direction I was headed in, He has thrown wrench into the inner workings of my limited human reasoning. For months now I have been assuming that I would go directly into going into staff work with Intervarsity directly after college, no questions asked. Now, I'm not so sure. My sister informed me this evening that Wilderness Canoe Base, the canoe camp that I guided at this summer in one of the most unique working environments in the world, is going to be expanding their program to include winter trips. They are looking for guides to work year round and I am one of the people that they want to come back next year. Not only that, I also found out that my sister will also be moving out to the area and if I work out there I will be able to be much closer to her. Too many options!

Being a senior in college, I have a lot of opportunities open to me and I now I find myself thinking about what direction I should go. Do I go directly into staff work and do something that I know that I will learn from and would really enjoy or should I take a year off and go north, doing something that would give me extreme joy and pleasure, give me possibly a once in lifetime experience, and then come back to staff work after a year of working and ministering up north? I don't know I don't know I don't know I don't know I don't know! Some of these decisions need to be made somewhat in the future, but the future is coming much too fast! The minute I tell God that I pretty much have things figured out, God reminds me He is in control and ultimately wants to give me what will be best for me. I hate to say this right now, but only time will tell! What a time this will shape up to be!

Wilderness and Escapism

In addition to having a great time in the mountains this past weekend, I also had a dark realization about myself and the people that I interacted with on my trip. Often times going into the wilderness is not only a way to get out and enjoy the natural world, but it also can be a vehicle to run away from the troubles and turmoil in our lives. Many of the people that were out for the weekend I interacted with noted that they really did not enjoy their jobs and came out into the mountains on the weekends to escape the turmoil and the boredom of their daily lives. I thought this was very sad and disturbing, until I realized that I do the exact same thing.

I constantly rejoice that God has given me a desire and passion to enjoy Him in His natural creation, I am also realizing that often times I use it in order to escape from my troubles and take my mind off of my unhappiness or frustrations. Often times when I am frustrated, confused, or just bored with my current situation, I simply fantasize about a "simpler" lifestyle in the woods, not to unclutter my life, but to simply escape the problems and ambiguities of my life.

Don't get me wrong, I still believe that it is good to strive to simplify our lives, and to change aspects of our lives if we see that it is causing problems and strife in our lives, but I don't think that merely trying to get away from them by daydreaming or chronically escaping from them. In fact, I think that that is a fierce perversion of the beauty and tranquility of nature and the God that I seek in creation. Somewhere there has to be a balance between enjoying the simplified life that is attained in the natural world and difficult situations of where we find ourselves in the places where we currently find ourselves.

My prayer right now is that I can enjoy God and the places that I find myself in right now. Even though my transition from college life to "real life" is stressful and confusing, somehow I am hoping that I am led to a place where I still find peace in it and I can rejoice in the places that my life is going. Don't get me wrong, I still plan on enjoying the outdoors and the peace and simplicity that it offers; I merely hope that I don't drastically misuse it by putting it in an unhealthy place in my life.

Wilderness Comradeship at the Three Ridges

Two weekends ago I spent some time backpacking out in the Three Ridges Wilderness Area in western Virginia and had a fantastic time exploring the woods and mountains out there. I always enjoy getting out into nature and am happy pretty much anywhere I am if I am outside, but this past trip was absolutely amazing. I began my trip at sunset that Friday and spent my first hour hiking the trail along the ridge tops bathed in the beautiful orange light of the setting sun. The second day was clear and cold and I hiked along the ridge line again, experiencing beautiful views to the west and to the south. Finally, my last day on the trail took me through a dark and lush valley next to a fairly deep creek. The trail led me through a valley where the trees once had deep, dark green leaves, but they were then fiery yellow, giving the entire valley the look and feel of having a warm glow, even though it was a chilly thirty degrees in the area. All the scenery on my trip was absolutely fantastic!

The other part of the trip that I enjoyed was my eclectic companionship. Most of the route that I followed through the area was on the Appalachian Trail and I was able to talk to and hike with many of the folks who were hiking the entire trail. Most of them were coming from Maine and were on their way south, and they were more than happy to tell me some of the adventures that they had experienced on the trail and also were willing to listen to some of the outdoor adventure stories that I had to tell as well. As I spent time with these folks, I noticed a certain type of "trail culture" that all of them had. They were always willing to share their supplies with me, always willing to listen and talk about our experiences, and they were always willing to help or give advice to anyone coming down the trail. It was as if all of us had a small understanding of one another, that we knew that we shared similar experiences. We all knew that we had persevered through cold nights, eaten stale food, and hiked for many miles in driving rain. We knew that we had experienced intense thirst, twisted worn out bones, and fallen into knee-deep mud. And we also knew that we would do it all over again because of the peace, beauty, and tranquility that we have experienced in the wilderness. This type of "wilderness comradeship" was very interesting to experience and I enjoyed it immensely.

After I experienced this feeling of wilderness comradeship, I began to think about how we have something similar within the Christian community and how sometimes we do not. I believe that many Christians understand that one of the most basic aspects of our faith is to take care of one another and connect to one another in times of need. Often times, however, we fall short of this ideal and become extremely absorbed in ourselves. To some degree, I wonder if we also need to adopt some wilderness comradeship and try to remember that we as members of a Christian community also have similar hardships, have similar experiences, and have similar passions. We love and care for one another not only because we have to, but because we know that we have experienced the same hardships and joys, that don't understand many of the same things, and that we ultimately have the same passion of desiring to experience and to seek out God. I know that it really isn't completely that simple, but I wonder what would happen if we initially tried to connect with people by sharing our lives, our struggles, our passions, and our stories.

There Goes My Everything

In one of my history classes I was required to read the book There Goes My Everything by Jason Sokol. Even though it was assigned reading I found it greatly interesting because of the unique subject matter. The subject of the book was the history of the civil rights movement from the white southern perspective, a perspective that is often misrepresented in history. Rather than the southern experience being very "black and white," (pardon the cliche) the experience of white southerners was very diverse and had many different perspectives. Also, the book allowed me to gain some interesting insights into why some southerners were so against desegregation. To some degree there was a lot of sinful desire to keep blacks under subordinate oppression, but on the other hand southerners knew that if blacks were given more rights, the entire economy and cultural makeup of the south would change dramatically. To some degree, many southerners were afraid of change and just not willing to give up their ways of life.

I think the most impactful aspect of the book was a portion at the end of the book that spoke of "white liberation" being a result of the Civil Rights movement. This concept came from the idea that even though many white southerners thought that they were in power and in control, they too were in a type of slavery, enslaved to their warped world view and forced lifestyles of oppression. When civil rights came and completely changed the social landscape of the South, it not only liberated blacks from a system of oppression, but it also liberated whites from a vicious cycle of oppressive ideologies and unequal ideals. In essence, whites gained their freedom from oppressive sin because of what they lost in the civil rights struggle. This also got me thinking about how that can happen to us in many other ways, when we think that our actions are only enslaving others when we are also enslaving ourselves. This thought process and idea was very important to me and I had never heard the civil rights struggle presented in that way.

As I contemplated the overall emphasis of this book, I realized that this is a new trend in historical writing and that we can probably expect to see more historical writing of this nature in the future. As we continue to move into a postmodern age, we are realizing more and more that there are more angles to stories than we originally thought, leading us to explore more and more angles and allowing us to see bigger and bigger pictures in the past and in the present.

Yellow Flash in the Madness

As I move in to the main part of the semester, I find myself spending more and more time studying and doing school assignments and less time reading personally and just being. I find it really funny how learning is stopping me from actually learning things on my own. With assignments, papers, and book reviews piling up I have been finding it more and more difficult to be quiet, be still, be contemplative, and just be.

Last week, as I was realizing this and being very frustrated by it, I decided to spend about a half hour of going to a small wooded area on campus and just sitting and listening. With all the noise in my life my spiritual life had come to a stand still. As I sat and just rested, I saw a flash of yellow in the trees out of the corner of my eye. When I looked, I saw that it was a Hooded Warbler, a bird I was not expecting to see in the middle of the city. Just this one sighting, along with the appreciation of nature and Creator that came with it, was able to comfort me somewhat in my struggle to find peace.

I am still struggling at times to reconnect with God and to wrestle with hard things (hence my lack of reading and blog posts), but I still find comfort in being able to have encounters with very simple, beautiful things, like a Hooded Warbler making the journey to campus to look for some food.

A Trip to the Chrysler


I went to the Chrysler Museum of Art in Norfolk in response to an assignment for my art history course I am taking this semester and really had a great time, more fun than I have had in an art gallery in the past. I have recently become very interested in art since taking this course and since my last visit to Minneapolis, where fascinating and experimental art abounds, and I have found that my opinions of art and of the philosophy behind are beginning to change drastically.

The Chrysler is not a huge gallery, but it does have the advantage that it has a wide variety of samples from many times throughout the timeline of Western art history. As I walked the halls, I was able to see the evolution of artistic expression through time, from the religious sculptures of classical Rome, to the colorful oil paintings and woodcuts of the Renaissance, to vibrant splotches and lines of the modern expressionism and postmodern assemblage. In the past I really didn't realize that philosophy had a lot to do with art, but upon closer study it really has a lot to do with thought and ideology, making art that much more meaningful. For example, Andy Warhol didn't paint soup cans just because he considered it art, but he did also because "cultured" artists thought that it was too ordinary to be called art. In the postmodern world of Warhol, where art can be anything, a soup can, a Brillo pad, or a pink portrait of Marilyn Monroe could be art. Interestingly enough, many philosophical and worldview movements begin in the art world and move to popular culture. Maybe art effects us more than we originally thought.

Another thing that has been effecting my view of art is looking beyond and and before the work of art. When someone looks beyond the painting, he doesn't just look at what the art looks like, but looks for how colors are meant to communicate feeling, how shapes communicate emotion, and how placement puts emphasis on different things. When someone looks before the painting, she is making a point to realize that this piece of art began in mind of the artist, and that artist spent lots of intimate time with that work, trying to effectively communicate what he or she was trying to get across. When we realize that art is in a way an extension of the artist, it takes on a very different importance and a more personal element.

I really believe that art really does have a profound influence on our culture and really can challenge and test our views of the world as well, and if we are willing to spend time experiencing art, we really have the potential to stretch and test our own thinking.

Experiential Discipleship as we Encounter God in the City

Many times we equate discipleship and spiritual growth with the study of books and being involved in deep thought over abstract concepts. But in many ways, growing closer to Christ involves just living our lives and being open interpreting the different things that occur in everyday life. Wherever we are, we are constantly being molded and changed as we experience different things. However, when we commit ourselves to go to places that are in desperate need of the hope of Christ, not only are others changed, we are changed as well.

This is one of the prominent themes of the book I just finished, Encounter God in the City by Randy White. White is a prominent staff member of Intervarsity Christian Fellowship, as well as a committed community activist in Fresno, California. After intentionally living in and visting needy commuinties all over the world, White has gained a deep and clear vision of God's love and passion for the people of urban areas. As White retells his many experiences of living in urban communities, he demonstates the how God has broken, molded, and shaped his view of those living in the city. As a result, he was not changed in respect to discipleship, but was also able to be used as an instrument of God's grace.

Throughout the book White talks about the idea of experiential discipleship. In other words, the idea that God changes and conforms us into the image of Christ not only through study of scripture, but also through our everyday experiences. By living in places outside our comfort zones and in places that challenge the way we think and the way we experience "normal" life to be, that is when God truly begins to change us. It is when we go to places with no shred of hope when we see the hope of Christ begin to emerge. It is when we got uncertain places when we realize that the Gospel is the only thing we can be certain of.

This really made me think about my own life and what that means for me as I approach graduation and the thought of moving into a very dark and uncertain part of my life. Do I want to settle, go to a place that is comfortable, and live in security, or live a life that is hard and uncertain, in a place frought with hardship and pain, a place where God is already working and where He needs workers to go. I truly believe that if I am willing to respond to God's guidance and go to places of darkness, I will not only be able to be an instrument of God, but that I will be shaped and formed like I never thought I could be.

Creativity versus Competition

I really enjoy playing and making music and freedom and the joy that it has the potential to give me, but I have been noticing a trend recently in the way that I think recently. Frequently I have been finding myself comparing own skills and creativity to the other musicians that I play with and that are around me. I either find myself trying judge their skill level as compared to mine, or I become discouraged because of a person's obvious skill and creativity that seems far superior to mine. At first I saw nothing wrong with this, until later I realized not only was I discouraging my own creativity, but more importantly I was unfairly judging people and getting discouraged by other people's gifts.

Obviously, this is not how I want to live my life, not only musically, but also with my everyday life in general. Creativity should not be something that is envied, but rather enjoyed, and people should not be judged by their skill level, but by what is really in their hearts. It is sometimes hard for me to realize that when it comes to art, everyone is coming from a different background and everyone is going to have a unique way of interpreting the world around them, whether it is through writing, music, visual art, dance, or any other way that their creativity may manifest itself. When will I finally begin to realize this and stop just trying to compare other people to some arbitrary standard, and what will happen when this idea starts being applied to other areas of my life?

Modern Christian Culture and Post-Rapture Radio

Every summer I make a point to spend some time reading longer books because I have much more time to do so during the summer rather than during the regular school year. This summer I chose to read Dostoyevsky's The Brothers Karamazov and Augustine's City of God. I thought that I would have a full plate of reading before me, but when I arrived in Minnesota my sister persuaded me to read one more book over the summer. I took her advice, not knowing that the book she would recommend to me would truly be a perspective changing book.

The book was Post-Rapture Radio, written by one of the pastor's of my sister's church, Russell Rathbun. The book was written as a sort of response to the Left Behind Series, but turns the idea on its head, instead making the government of the anti-Christ modern Christian culture. As a result, the book gives an almost disturbing critique of our own Christian sub-culture.

In the book Rathbun presents many differnet ideas and critiques, but the most striking ones for me included his arguments about interpretation of scripture and reliance on faith. He addresses the fact that many of us, especially those who grew up in the church, are caught in a way of thinking only one way about scripture, and tend to interpret the Bible as being more about us than it is about God. Also, he presents the all important reality that Christianity is based more on faith than we are many times willing to admit. It is sometimes a reality that is often looked over, but at the same time is very comforting.

I thouroghly enjoyed the book and purposely meant to leave out most of the details of the book because this book is something that needs to be experienced and not described. If you do read the book, prepare to have your christian worldview a little bit shaken, especially if you have experience with contemporary Christian sub-culture. Get ready to have the waters of Christianity muddied and be ready to enjoy it!

Back from the Wilderness

As it is prone to do, the summer has slipped by extremely quickly and the school year is already underway. A week ago I found myself packing up my belongings and leaving Wilderness Canoe Base to return to college and to begin my senior year. After spending three months in the North Woods of Minnesota, I became very accustomed to the slowed down pace of life, the extremely close community that I lived and worked alongside, and the beauty of my surroundings. Being able to be in the wilderness and lead multi-day trips into the backcountry was an absolute dream job for me and suited me perfectly, making Wilderness a very hard place for me to leave by the end of August.

However, by the month of August I was beginning to feel the desire to return to the university environment, to start learning again, and to continue my ministry at my campus through Intervarsity. But it was also extremely hard for me to leave my newfound friends and to leave the wilderness lifestyle I had adopted, especially because I am not sure if and when I will return to Minnesota and Wilderness Canoe Base again. I also experienced some aspects of culture shock when I returned to the "civilized world", from small things lilke not paddling and using a canoe at least once a day and not being used to seeing women wearing make-up, to bigger things like trying to find quiet places to meditate after being surrounded by places after by places to go all summer long. I almost felt like wanting to be in two places at once, somehow either moving ODU onto a raft in the Boundary Waters, or digging a giant hole in front of my dorm room, filling it with water, then paddling and portaging on it from time to time whenever I wanted to.

I have now officially returned to ODU and still absolutely love the college atmosphere, but I still am searching for some way to blend the two environments that I love so much. I now very well that I can't canoe everyday and camp every night while I am here at school, but I do know that I can try to foster the close community that I experienced up there into the relationships that I have withe people back here at school, honestly caring about them and loving them, not because I have to, but because I have seen what happens to people when they are cared for and I know that it is good. No matter where I am, hopefully I can draw in the "wilderness" experiences that I have had and will treasure, even if I never go back to the north country that I have newly begun to love dearly.

Off to the Wilderness!

This summer I will be working at Wilderness Canoe Base, a summer camp in Nothern Minnesota that guides kids on canoe trips into the wilderness and lets them experience a closer relationship with God. I have been extremely excited about going, serving, and exploring God's creation, but I was extremely saddened by the news that I received from the camp later today. I found out today that a fairly extensive fire broke out in the area east of the camp and some of the fire spread to the island where the camp is located. The fire went through the camp and destroyed 35 out of the 60 buildings in the camp. Thankfully, all of the staff were evacuated and no one was injured, but it is going to take some time to rebuild the parts of the camp that are now gone.

I have been informed that the summer schedule will go on as planned and I will still be serving on staff, but it will still be hard work guiding and working on the camp. At first I was very saddened and disappointed by this news, but later I received a huge feeling of peace and encouragement from God. Apparently God has sent me to be at this camp, this summer, at this particular time, and all I can do is have faith that God will do amazing things through me and this camp. Also, this will be an amazing oppurtunity to work with a team to rebuild and reform this camp. Also, I will be able to see nature in its rawest form, healing itself and renewing itself. The events that have happened are very sad and frustrating, but God's will will be in this and I have to believe that He will do amazing things this summer.

This may be the last post that I am able to do in a while, but I am confident that my eyes will be opened immensely this summer, hopefully giving me some good blogging material this fall when I come back. Have a great summer!

A History of Violence

Like the rest of the nation, I was saddened and shocked by shootings at Virginia Tech and joined the all college students and other Americans in prayer for the victims, their families, as well as the gunman. But as I continued to think and reflect on the events that have come to pass, I thought about how our change in worldview may contribute to these new manifestations of disturbing and publicized violence.

Shocking acts of violence have always been a part of history, but it seems we may be witnessing a new evolution in its manifestations. The Baby Boomer generartion (considered to be the last "modern" generation) also witnessed growing up terrible publicized acts of violence, but they seemed to witness high profile political assassinations as well as politically charged events (the assassinations of John F. Kennedy, Malcolm X, Martin Luther King, and Robert Kennedy, as well violence at civil rights rallies and Kent State University). All of the these events were terrible and shocking to the country and a connecting similarity between these acts is that they were all carried out because of what somebody believed and that they disagreed with something that the other person believed, in other words, they became violent because of something they valued and what they wanted to protect.

The postmodern generation has also witnessed violent acts growing up, but it appears that they have been of a different genre. Rather than seeing politically charged situations, we have witnessed violent acts of alienated individuals (John Hinckley Jr., the Columbine shootings, subsequent school shootings, and now recently Cho Seung-Hui). Rather than being motivated by political or ideological differences, it appears that violence has come from individuals frustrated by not being able to fit in and feel valued. Rather than violence being based on individual identity, it is being based on desiring to be part of a group identity and not finding it.

As we move into a postmodern world and ideology, we need to realize that publicized violent acts are going to change as well. I think that we are going to find that it is going to be more evident that people value being in a group rather than defending an ideology or political view. As a result, we may see a growing trend in violent acts from troubled, alienated people rather than political assassins. With this in mind, this makes the situation even more dire for Christians to bring people into a loving and healthy community, bringing them closer to the grace and healing that only Christ can give.

Once again, my prayers continue to be with the students of Virginia Tech and I pray that God will bring healing to the campus, the students, and the families.

Great Dismal Swamp

Today I had the privledge of going on a birding expedition with a Dr. Lytton Musselman, the head of the ODU biology department and possibly one of the coolest people I know, as well an ornithologist from the Smithsonian into the Great Dismal Swamp here in Virginia and had a blast. The Great Dismal Swamp is a huge tract of swampland in Eastern Virginia that has been abused for centuries by humans and is just recently recovering its wild status. It was only my second time into the swamp and I had a blast, especially since I was surrounded by people excited about nature and willing to listen about what is happening in this diverse area.

The weather was absolutely beautiful for the area (which typically means bugless) and I got to see some flora and fauna that I had never seen before or that I had not seen in many years. Some of these included the prothonotary warbler (a first sighting for me), wood ducks (birds I haven't seen since I was 6 years old), black gum, red maple, and bald cypress trees, as well as numerous traces of bear and otter. It was also very interesting going with several either former or current biology students because they were always turning up things like snakes or tadpoles, as well as being fascinated with some of the tiniest elements of creation.

I think the best part however was being able to spend more time with Dr. Musselman. I had already gotten to know him through my church as well as through the university, but I had never gotten to spend time with him in the field. It is so neat to see someone so interested in the world around us and willing to engage others in his fascination. "Take a look at those ferns! What type of tree is this? Everyone gather round! This flower only blooms for one week a year! Taste this! It tastes just like asparagus!" He was constantly engaging all of us in our surroundings and showing us the many intricacies of what appeared on the surface to be just a boring swamp. What a blessing to be able see creation in a brand new way!

I always enjoy going out into the creation and learning and experiencing new things, but today I really was challenged to learn and understand rather than just experience and soak in. I definately will still take time to simmer, soak, and experience creation, but who knows, maybe this will spark a new interest in me to pursue God and his creation in a new way.

Why Me?

To begin with, I am going to say that I will never understand the co-existence of the sovereign will of God and the free will of man (what a way to start a post!). However, recently I have been finding it more frustrating since I have been studying Christian leadership in the past few days. Little by little I have been growing and discovering more about what it means to be a leader, the gifts that God has given to me, as well as how the grace of God works through me as I learn more about these gifts. Over the past year or so I have been discovering that I do have some gifting in the area of leadership, and that I continually need to allow God to grow me into a better leader, but have also realized that most of the time I have assummed that everyone is gifted in the area of leadership as long as they are willing to submit to God. However, I have also noticed that many people are not leaders and do not appear to have those gifts. This has led me to ask God, "why me?"

I have had this conversation with my campus minister a couple of times about why God has chosen some people to have different gifts and to be more teachable than others. A lot of times, this seems very unfair in my mind and in the minds of many others, and it just doesn't make sense sometimes for God to make people unequally gifted. This where I really need to let my faith take over and to trust what God has planned for my life and the life of others. All I know is that God has given me a desire to be a leader and I need to continually pray to have God to continue to grow me into a better leader. I don't know why God makes some people more gifted and more receptive than others, but I know that I need to have faith in God that He knows the ultimate plan rather than me.

I can't say that I have come to the end of my thoughts on this and I still don't understand why God has given me the gifts that I have, but all I know is that faith and rest in the Lord is the only place I can go, no matter how confused or frustrated I am.

Balance in the Revolution in World Missions

Recently I finished the book Revolution in World Missions by K.P. Yohannan, a book that I got when I attended the Urbana Missions conference in January, and it really got me thinking about the constantly broadening global missions field and what role all of these cultures can play as we all reach out to the world.

The book had many good points in it, especially being extremely committed to presenting the gospel as well as giving an interesting "non-Western" view of American culture (the author is a native of India). However, some questions were raised when I thought about the main thesis of the book. In essence, the revolution in world missions that the author speaks of is that there is an explosion in native missionaries ministering to their own people groups and are having a profound effect on areas in the Two-Thirds world, especially in areas that are closed to traditional Western missionaries. I think that it is absolutely beautiful that the Gospel is spread faster than it ever has before and it is being done by people who can best reach out to those their own culture, and yet I also felt that the book also sent some negative messages about cross-cultural missions. It almost seemed that sometimes the book portrays the idea of Westerners going into foreign missions is outdated and that the best thing for Americans to send funding strictly for native missionaries. This may have not been the aim of the book's message, but it did get me thinking about what that may mean.

Obviously, strictly relying on native missionaries is essential in countries that are completely closed to outside missions. Also, I believe that it is essential that all missions organizations should be coordinated and directed by those who are native to the area and have an infinately better understanding of the culture rather than an outsider. However, I think that it would be disasterous if cross-cultural missions was completely shelved and labelled as a thing of the past. I believe that when Christians experience and work with other cultures we will gain a better perspective for the body of Christ and what he is doing with the world, something that will be invaluable as we move closer and closer into a global community. I still believe that native missionaries should be the decision-makers and organizers of missions in their areas, but I still believe that completely compartmentalize countries and not allow others to experience and work for the kingdom wherever it may be.

I sincerely hope that I have in no way taken any of the author's words or ideas out of context and that I was able to express my thoughts about this clearly. I just believe that now we are moving into a new paradigm in missions and what it means to integrate balance and listening to each other about each other's cultures as we continue to reach out to all with the Gospel. Different cultures are going to be reached out to and experienced, and we need to be ready to be flexible, change our thinking and ways, and be willing to listen to the Spirit as well as each other.

Sex, Drugs, and Going Home

While in deep conversation with my roommates last night (which happens fairly often), we came to question of whether or not sex, or at least the pleasure of sex, will be present in the everlasting kingdom of God. There really weren't many deep conclusions made (especially since none of us have actually experienced sex), it was just three guys casually talking about the undefined, but it did trigger some thoughts in my head about the pleasures and experiences of this world, including sex, and how that connects to the kingdom beyond.

I have heard many times that feelings that generate pleasure or a gratifying feeling, such as through sex, psychodelic drugs, or even after exercise, can often be connected to the same bodily release of chemicals, giving us either a feeling of pleasure, gratification, or a feeling of being "high". However, this feeling is often described as having a deeper feeling or meaning to it, sometimes described as being similar to the feeling of returning or going to your true home. What if this "going home" experience really is true? What if the release of this release of pleasure really is a gateway to something deeper, a gateway to the sense of belonging that we all long for?

This question has been asked many times and sometimes these feelings of pleasure are not only described as a gateway, but also an end in themself. Many have preached that psychodelic drugs bring us a step closer to a broader reality and should be embraced (Aldous Huxley, Dr. Timothy Leary, and Daniel Pinchbeck are a few names that come to mind). But perhaps we have found a clue, but we are looking down the wrong track. I sincerely believe that these experiences do have deeper significance rather than merely being pleasurable firings in our nerves and that God ordained them to be there, but perhaps we are straying from the real place where we can go home, the arms of Jesus Christ. Only Christ can fulfill our true longings to go home, infinately more than what we can obtain through a psychodelic experience or through sex outside of marriage. These experiences may be a clue to what we are missing but they are by no means the source. It all seems to be very human of us, searching for sincere truth in all the wrong places...

When we truly realize that the grace of God is our true home, I believe that the pleasure that realization will unlock will be even more than we can imagine, deeper than a limited sexual encounter or a hit of LSD.

War (Or What We Think It Is)

I really think war is one of the most difficult concepts to accurately portray because of it is so charged with different depictions through the media, current and ancient culture, as well as reality. Thoughts like this have come from my current study of the Vietnam war and its complicated nature, as well since it was experienced by people who were around my age when they were there (around 19-23 years old). In reality, on many levels, war is a manifestation of immense individual and structural sin of humanity, when people cannot agree so they resort to mass violence and destroy the lives and property of both combatants and innocents. On the other hand culture and the media can give a very different picture, especially when presented to young men.

I have especially felt this conflict within myself whenever I am presented with images and stories of war, conflict, and combat. In depths of my heart, I know that at its root war is a flaw of mankind and mass destroyer of life, but from time to time the idea of combat can still swell my heart with excitement and a hunger for adventure of danger. I still remember my days of being a cadet in high school and my year of ROTC and the excitement of learning combat formations and movements, crawling into mock ambushes in the tall grass during war games, my heart racing with excitement and my senses tuned to pinpoint precision. To some degree that promise of excitement and adventure was part of why I began training for the military. Later I left because I realized that I just was not meshing with the military culture and that I realized that I was ultimately being trained to kill people, but I still hate it so much whenever from time to time I long for the adventure of combat and "noble battle".

Let me just say that I in no way have experienced real combat do I claim to identify with those who have gone into and participated in hostilities during war. However, I can I identify somewhat with the "glamourous" side of combat and how we are shown that much more than the harsh and ugly realities. I know that there really is no "individual" that can be blamed for this, but I do know that it something that many people needed to healed from. I know that I do.

Dreams

Dreams have always fascinated me and made me wonder about their significance. Are they just our brains firing randomly about images and experiences from throughout the day or is there something deeper there to experience and interpret? I have been thinking about this recently because of a recent bout of very memorable dreams that I have had in the past couple of days (I don't know if the medication that I have been on has been a contributer to my experience, but that is hard to tell). One of these dreams in particular made me a little unsettled, mainly because it almost seemed prophetic, and have been making me wonder about the importance of dreams and how much we really should read in to them.

Part of what makes me wonder about my recent dreams is because I have experienced divinely inspired dreams, including one that affirmed that I would have more visions in the future, but one of the divine mysteries of our God is that He provides just enough for us to keep us on the right track, and maybe to some extent just enough to keep us wondering so that our only choice is to completely rely on Him. At the end of the day, I have to realize that if a dream is meant to be something more, I need to give God time to reveal its importance and significane. The least I can do is let God work in my life, and if a dream is meant to influence my actions or thoughts, I have to trust God to give me the right perception to act on that. In the meantime, it looks like I need to hang on and see what God will do with the things that he reveals to me, whether I am awake or in the weird medium we refer to as sleep......

Music of the Soul

Music has always been a part of most of my life, but it hasn't always been the most enjoyable part. I started playing piano when I was 9 because my parents told me to. I never really connected very much with it. I started playing guitar when I turned 14 and really enjoyed it, but I mainly picked up so that I would be cool. As I have grown older and played more I have come to enjoy music at a different level, but sometimes I still think that I want to learn new techniques and methods just so that I can get better and people will think that I am a better musician.

But something seems to be lacking in that way of thinking. When I think of truly great musicians, they made sure that what they played reflected themselves, their experiences, and their souls. They changed the genres around them and made the music conform to them, almost making the instruments and music extensions of themselves. What if I were to think of it that way with the way I play music? Not that I want to become famous, but I do have a desire to make music a true art form and form of expression in my life, not just a way to boost people's opinion of me. What will happen when playing becomes a mirror for my soul?

The Ones Who Walk Away From Omelas

Recently I have become very interested in reading literary short stories and I came across a very interesting one. The story is The Ones Who Walk Away From Omelas by Ursula K. Le Guin and and is a very interesting story about a Utopian society, their joys and flaws, and how we can relate to it in our own lives. In the process of telling the story of this society, she brings up some very interesting issues and makes some really good points. *Warning: if you plan to read the story before reading the rest, do not continue until you have read it!*

Essentially, the narrator describes a society that lives in perfect harmony and is always happy. The have the freedom to think, philosophize, create, and live in happiness. The countryside and all their people are beautiful, all their science is poiniant, their literature profound, and their music profound. The only condition they need to fill in order to maintain their perfect society is that a single has to live a wretched, lonely life, locked away in a cellar in one of the buildings. All of the citizens of Omelas know about the child and accept it as a necessary evil, but some are disgusted by it and decide to leave and live a life without this guilt. They are the ones who walk away from Omelas.

In my mind, Le Guin presents two very interesting points about these people and about us. First, she shows that if we lived in Omelas, we probably would not leave. If we had grown up in this society, we would probably accept it as part of life and not question what was wrong about living a life without guilt. We would simply file it away and move on with our lives and try to direct our anxiety elsewhere. In the same way, we often do this in our own society and lives, taking too much for granted and shufffling away the things that bother us so that we can continue to live complacent lives.

The second point that Le Guin makes, and one that I truly believe in, is that those that leave Omelast don't have the correct response either. By leaving Omelas, they are merely removing themselves from guilt and doing nothing to help the child. What good are they doing if they simply isolate themselves and don't respond to what they know is right? For us, it would be very easy to simply denounce our society and isolate ourselves from it and not seek to make things right.

So, what are we to do with the problems in our society? I believe that we are called to not only open our eyes to the problems around us that we may take for granted, but we should also seek out what God has planned to right these things, rather than either trying to be ignorant of them or run away and save only ourselves from that guilt. How can we see things around us, but not be tempted to merely walk away from Omelas?

The Leadership of Martin Luther King Jr.

As I continue to study the Civil Rights Movement in my history of the 1960's class, I am continually astounded and disturbed by not only violence and intolerance that occurred in the United States at that time, but also by the leadership and vision of the blacks and whites involved in the movement. One obvious stand-out of the movement was Rev. Martin Luther King Jr., and the more that I see what he did and how he led, I am continuing to get a clearer picture of what it means to be a strong and Christian leader.

One key element about King was that he had profound vision. When he looked around he saw injustice and a world counter to what God invisioned. He realized that the segregation of white and black was wrong at its core and he had the courage to act. Also, through his actions, he was able to witness to the world the moral, not just the political, importance of the movement. By teaching and advocating non-violent protest, he encouraged those around him to rise above the actions of their persecutors and demonstrate that this was not a political movement, but that it was a just movement, a movement that would not be justified through the injustice of violence.

King also showed his strong leadership by acting on his vision, even when he wasn't clear on what he could do. One example of this comes from the demonstrations in Birmingham against discriminatory employment in 1963 (the Birmingham protests are where we get the images of protestors being attacked with dogs, cattle prods, and firehoses). When King arrived in Birmingham and didn't how to act in response to these obstacles, he was reported to have said, "I don't know what to do, but I know I need to do something." He then went out and protested with other demonstrators and was promptly arrested. This was perceived as one of his strongest demonstrations of leadership and he subsequently wrote the famous "Letter from Birmingham Jail" in solitary confinement.

But I think King's greatest leadership attribute was his pursuit of a greater vision. King specifically fought for injustice in the specific area of white/black equality and desegregation, but he also pursued a greater of vision. King did not just pursue a vision of whites and blacks having equal rights, but that all ethnicities would be reconciled to each other and live together in peace and harmony (it is actually believed that this idea, and not so much his stance on the civil rights movement, was what eventually led to his assassination in 1968). It was this greater vision that guided his actions and allowed him to lead effectively.

As I continue through my journey through learning about effective christian leadership I am learning more and more about the importance of having a greater vision and letting that dictate my actions rather than stabbing at leading others without any solid direction. Through learning more about other leaders, in this case the leadership of MLK, I am continuing to learn more about the leadership that God is placing me in now.

The Game of Monopoly (and What I am Learning From It)

Because of my classes and my involvement in my christian fellowship, I have been thinking a lot more about poverty in the world and about the processes and ideologies that go along with that. When it comes to poverty in the United States and in the western world, a lot of the processes that initiate poverty have to do with the system of capitalism and its tendency to degrade everything in to the values of money and profit. Consequently, whenever I think about capitalism I think of the game Monopoly, and what it has to teach us about the culture and ideology of the poor.

It seems to me that at sometime or another, those of us that have played Monopoly find ourselves extremely frustrated about the progress of the game (one of the reasons why I now can't stand playing it!). This often comes about two thirds of the way through the game and I realize that no matter what we do or no matter how much I mortgage, I will never be able to raise the funds I need to bring me out of the poorhouse and no matter how hard I work, I will ineviteably land on more squares occupied by the houses and hotels of my greedy opponents. It is a never ending cycle!

What happens to me is that I completely loose my sense of hope. I finally realize that the system is stacked against me and that no matter how hard I work, I will never advance without either seeking outside help or by breaking the rules (neither of which is allowed in the game). I also feel like this might be the similar to the situations of the working poor. No matter how hard they work and save, the system is stacked against them and they realize that there is no hope for them without help (aid) or by breaking the rules (crime). Because of the system, they are trapped in a culture of hopelessness (for a better picture of this "culture without hope", check out the book The Other America by Michael Harrington).

So, as a christian, I feel like when we are called to help and minister to the poor, we are not only meant to provide help, but we are also meant to provide hope, not only to give them a picture of hope for a better life, but also a picture of a completely new hope, the hope that they can receive through the beautiful and difficult decision to follow Christ. When we move through the Spirit and help others, we are showing them the hope that can eventually propel them from a dark and dismal spiral of hopelessness!

Results of the Barefoot Experiment (See Previous Post for the Setting)

My experiment on the challenge of social norms went very well and I was able to gather several interesting reactions and some conclusions. Here are some of the things that I discovered as I walked around.

First, let me set the scene. I walked around campus, outside, and around all the buildings for most of the day barefoot. In addition to this, it happened to be an exceptionally cold day that day as well, making my behaviour appear that much stranger. I got a variety of reactions from people as I walked by, including some strange looks, some smiles, and even some odd comments. However as I went through my day, I did notice some interesting patterns.

1. The people that didn't now me usually gave me interesting looks or smiles, but didn't ask me what I was doing. (When asked what I was doing, I would tell them the truth)

2. The some people that knew me thought my behaviour was strange, but thought I was probably doing it for a good reason and didn't ask. (One friend gave me some really good feedback about this through facebook)

3. Only the people that knew me very well made a point to ask me what I was doing. Many of the thought that what I was doing was strange, but they always made a point to ask me what the point was.

4. Last of all, I noticed I got a lot fewer strange looks when I was walking around inside as opposed to when I was outside. It even came to the point that I even forgot sometimes that I wasn't wearing shoes and that I was just like everyone else.

This experiment was just meant to explore the realm of social norms, but as I pondered these results I thought more about how this may relate to the relationships that we have with other people. Only the people that knew me were willing to really ask what was going on rather than just giving me strange looks and alienating me from them. In the same way, it kind of emphasized to me how important it is to be in a place where people really care about you and care to ask why things might not be right and wonder how they can help you. Without that, we are left to either be surrounded by strange looks, or forget that there is a problem unless we get negative reinforcement. Do a social experiement yourself and see what comes from it!

The Barefoot Experiement

Many of you know that I study sociology and I love the idea of going out and challenging very miniscule social norms and seeing what people's reactions will be. Well, tomorrow I am going to put it to the test. The key is to choose something very simple and small, but will seem very strange when it isn't present. So, for most of the day tomorrow, including all the time that I will spend walking to, from, and in class, I'm going to go barefoot. It seems really simple now, but I am really interested to see how a tiny change like that will affect people's opinion of me. Let's find out!