Why Me?

To begin with, I am going to say that I will never understand the co-existence of the sovereign will of God and the free will of man (what a way to start a post!). However, recently I have been finding it more frustrating since I have been studying Christian leadership in the past few days. Little by little I have been growing and discovering more about what it means to be a leader, the gifts that God has given to me, as well as how the grace of God works through me as I learn more about these gifts. Over the past year or so I have been discovering that I do have some gifting in the area of leadership, and that I continually need to allow God to grow me into a better leader, but have also realized that most of the time I have assummed that everyone is gifted in the area of leadership as long as they are willing to submit to God. However, I have also noticed that many people are not leaders and do not appear to have those gifts. This has led me to ask God, "why me?"

I have had this conversation with my campus minister a couple of times about why God has chosen some people to have different gifts and to be more teachable than others. A lot of times, this seems very unfair in my mind and in the minds of many others, and it just doesn't make sense sometimes for God to make people unequally gifted. This where I really need to let my faith take over and to trust what God has planned for my life and the life of others. All I know is that God has given me a desire to be a leader and I need to continually pray to have God to continue to grow me into a better leader. I don't know why God makes some people more gifted and more receptive than others, but I know that I need to have faith in God that He knows the ultimate plan rather than me.

I can't say that I have come to the end of my thoughts on this and I still don't understand why God has given me the gifts that I have, but all I know is that faith and rest in the Lord is the only place I can go, no matter how confused or frustrated I am.